Maybe my last post sounded a little erratic and unbending. I just found this quote in The Great Passion by Eberhard Busch from Barth's Church Dogmatics which states far better what I was trying to say about finances:

“If Christians are to be free in society they must be really free. They have to go their own way in great and little things alike, and therefore in their thought and speech and attitude they are always at bottom. . . aliens and strangers who will give plenty of cause for offense in different directions. To some they will appear to be far to ascetic. To others they will appear to affirm life far too unconcernedly. . . . On the one hand they will be accused as authoritarian, on the other as free thinkers. . . on the one hand as bourgeois, on the other as anarchists. They will seldom find themselves in the majority. . . . Things generally accepted as self-evident will never claim their absolute allegiance. . . . Nor will they command their complete negation, so they can hardly count on the applause of the revolutionaries of their day. Nor will their freedom. . . be exercised by them in secret, but revealed openly in free acts and attitudes which will never be right in the world.” (IV/2 690=610) pg. 120-121 The Great Passion: An Introduction to Karl Barth by Eberhard Busch, Eerdmans, 2004.

Financial freedom

I confess I am one of those tragically uninsured you read about all the time in the magazines and in newspapers. I'm a financial bottom feeder. I buy clothes from the thrift store. When I have money I buy guitar strings, books, CDs, shoes, underwear, socks, and lots of cheap food. I ride the el train. I've never financed a car. Never financed a house. I had a personal bank account once. I deposited my paychecks and I payed rent. Other then that there wasn't much activity.  I've held my personal medical records from childhood and you know what? They're all of immunizations from a homeless free clinic. Don't pity me. I'm proud in a way that I've never been part of the rat race. Its damn UNAmerican not to be in debt. Think about that. When the Census rolled around back in 1990 I realized that my family were UNpeople. And when the 2000 census rolled around my whole intentional community was probably registered as a homeless shelter in Chicago. But then think of all the thousands who've recieved food, shelter, medical aid and ministry because of my heritage.
    I define myself financially free. [I love that song "Country Boy" by Johnny Cash] Many folks would call me creditless, uninteresting, unhelpful, not a team player, maybe even hurtful and rebellious. And I say that's just plain sick. Why should my credit information or lack of it make me a nonperson? How many billions are in the world? How many of those are Americans? A handful. How many world citizens have credit? Only a portion. Call me a rebel but I'm a Christian first, a human on the planet second, and an American by circumstance. I didn't ask to win a genetic lottery by being male, white, and American. And the responsibility I have because of these I'll spend for Jesus not for America (and not for America's version of Jesus). I see America at odds with the world's financial freedom. Humans are entitled to the subsistent life I maintain (food, clothes, shelter, debt freedom) and they don't have it. Instead of cherishing some part of the credit system and indulging in it I'd rather ask how my time and resources can be spent in community with anyone that needs it. That's an insecure and messy way to live for a lot of folks. They look at you like you're crazy or a patron saint. They throw money at you or just pity you. Oh well.

A Personal History of the Birth of a Book

Realizing that we were running out of money without much chance of more coming in soon, and running out of our most precious asset namely staff people, I spent a good chunk of the remaining money in the bank to buy a nice computer. We had a layout program that no one really knew how to use and I reasoned that if I had a fast computer and a good program that could interface between writers and layout well, then I could handle everything else but editing and proofing myself. Well, a year later I want to tell you that I will never attempt that again. Call it "A slow painful way to brainwash yourself with work." Now that its all done I'm still trying to deal with not feeling like I'm developing an ulcer all the time. That constant knot in my stomach couldn't have been healthy and I don't recommend living with it. The book involved 500 pages of type and photos, photo captions, a full color cover (not done by me), running folios top and bottom, seperate photo sections on Current events which were at first bled off the page and then changed throughout, and front and back matter. An index was attempted and then scrapped when time ran out. Printing three proofs at Kinkos cost over $96.00. I stood there trembling as I wrote the check. My mind kept blanking out. Could this really be that big a book? My thanks to Jon and Curt and Dawn who bailed me out of an impossible solo task and also doubled as marriage counselors and priests for the week of nonstop madness we call "the Burn." I look forward this week to many more hours spent kissing up to Martha and the kids for my absence in spirit and body over the last year.

weekend with family

From last Wednesday until Monday, Martha and I took the kids and an
Amtrak train down to the Jeff City MO area for my parent's wedding vow
renewal. It was such a beautiful time. I'll have to post pics soon. But
the story I want to tell is on a little misunderstanding I perpetuated.
My sister found this little beautiful bed and breakfast for my folks as
a little second honeymoon retreat. The next day we all planned to meet
somewhere and have a picnic. Well Steph wasn't quite sure how the picnic
would all work out. We're all kind of on the poor side with not so much
cash flow. Anyway, we decide on this little winery nestled away
somewhere near Hermann. We all pull into this little place in a valley
and pile out. Four cars of us. Dad and my three kids situate themselves
under a tree and the rest of us go inside to watch people taste wine.
What else do you do at a winery? There was an all you can eat labor day
picnic going on there but we didn't know what it would cost and then
decided we couldn't afford it. The kids are filing in every few minutes
to use the bathroom. So after a few of us tasted the wine (not me) we
all filed out under the tree. I have my Martin out and I'm trying to
remember songs for us to sing. We chatted and munched on food dad saved
from the night before. Steak and cake and a bake potato wrapped in
aluminum foil. There were water bottles and Cokes. The owner came out
and saw us there and smiled. Somewhere in that time I started singing
"Whiskey River" by Willie Nelson. The owner must have heard me when
heading back in and saw us drinking from the water bottles. On my next
kid bathroom break he cornered me with "I don't know what you all are
drinking out there but we're not into that here. This is a family place.
We don't allow alcohol other than the wine we provide. What's in those
water bottles?" Boy was I embarassed. I forgot I'd been singing that
song until I got back to Chicago. I assured him we weren't drinking and
didn't drink. But shortly thereafter we all lit out of there feeling
like the freeloaders we undoubtedly were. It was a great hour and a
half. I'm blessed with a great family. Blessings on Jen and Nate as they
ready to wed. And on my folks on their new life together again.

Been Readin. . .

On the train back from MO I had some time to read John Steele Gordan's History of American Economic Power (or something like that, sorry). Also been poking through Karl Barth's Preaching Through the Christian Year, his section on "Man and Woman"--the exegesis of one flesh. Also Bonhoeffer's new DBW Edition of Ethics . I've read the Intro and Afterword and earlier and then poked through "Heritage and Decay" last night. Much less troublesome for me than "Ethics as Formation." Also poking through Cardinal's manager Whitey Herzog's White Rat. How's that for a changeup?!! Go Sox and Cards. Please let it be in 2005. Not that I'm really even watching baseball much. I'm such a fairweather fan. Also reading Karl Barth's Theological Exegesis. I want to prepare a huge review bonanza on Barth for Cornerstonemag.com like I did for Bonhoeffer earlier this year. I could do it in December when he died or for the 120th anniversary of his birth in May '06. Either way I really need to know my stuff for this review and do it carefully and attentively as a layman with his cards clearly on the table.
The print deadline for the book we're publishing Season of Joy by Jim Benes is due Tuesday! Pray for me as I work my tail off this weekend. Hopefully a gang of us will be working. . . but we'll see.

On play is John Prine's song "Other Side of Town" from his album "Fair and Square." The thrill of his song "Some Humans Ain't Human" has long worn off now. It only serves to remind me to pray for humans I'm so quick to criticize and I'm startin to see those other five fingers pointing back at me. The song goes:

"Some humans ain't human/some people ain't kind/you open up their hearts /and here's what you find/a few frozen pizzas/some icecubes with hair/a broken popcicle/you don't wanna go there"

and then it goes on basically comiserating over the resentments us liberals no doubt feel all the time toward folks in power, our neighbors, and other folks in church. While I sympathize with the sentiment I pity the singer if he's unable to see his own judgemental attitude in the song.

The Twelve Steps teach that when I'm not at peace something's wrong with me. Socially and politically there's constant unrest with me and I'm sure all Americans with their eyes open. May I reach out for prayer for my government and myself during these fearful times. Its so easy to accuse, and sink into insanity and resentment. God help me to pray.