4/21/2006
cure for depression
Skim through Tim Lahaye's book How to Win Over Depression (Zondervan, 1974) and then smile with the realization that his optimistic automaton way of life is not necessarily spiritual or Christian or helpful!
4/20/2006
audio book heaven
In my ongoing carnivorous efforts to possess and eventually digest every free notable audio file in the known universe I found this link from CCEL. The greek NT, the whole Bible, the little flowers of St. Francis, Dostoevsky, Tolstoy, Chesterton, Edwards, oh my head is spinning! Any veterans out there with more links or maybe symptoms of related brain injury I should be aware of?
4/19/2006
learning about mental illness and being a friend
For the last week or so a good friend of mine who has a history of severe panic attacks has really been through the ringer. He and I have been close for about two years now. We share many interests, especially in spiritual and theological conversations. He has been a specific answer to prayer for me. Shortly before he moved here to JPUSA I asked God for someone who could come along side and really share in my conversations and interests. In this friend God gave me much more than I asked!
Now it really pains me to see him in physical, emotional and spiritual torment. I've never been so directly effected by mental illness. His panic attacks and post-concussion syndrom have spurred on mental obsessions that at this time are leading him into an in-patient facility. We've been spending hours together daily. I don't think I've ever really known what it was to be a paraklete, a comforter and friend in a situation like this. My friend says all the time "this is scary as hell." He can't sleep, has little appetite and virtually no control of his mind. All I do is listen, remind him of our faith, and share the simple things that have helped me. Yesterday I was sharing something I received from Craig Slane's Bonhoeffer As Martyr and I began to cry. I realized that this kind of deep reflection and willing to belief was exactly what I needed to hear!
Jean Vanier writes about belonging in community with those with mental illness in Community and Growth. While I've leaned for years on these writings, only with my friend recently have I had the joy of experiencing just a bit of what he describes as it is specifically related! Mental anguish, obsessive thinking, the feeling of immanent peril and irrational fear are way beyond my human ability to really help. I am personally so prone to fear and rebellion. Over the last week I have seen God come through for us. Of course I should say we are not alone. Numerous others here offered constant prayer and reassurance all along. I would appreciate your prayers as well.
Now it really pains me to see him in physical, emotional and spiritual torment. I've never been so directly effected by mental illness. His panic attacks and post-concussion syndrom have spurred on mental obsessions that at this time are leading him into an in-patient facility. We've been spending hours together daily. I don't think I've ever really known what it was to be a paraklete, a comforter and friend in a situation like this. My friend says all the time "this is scary as hell." He can't sleep, has little appetite and virtually no control of his mind. All I do is listen, remind him of our faith, and share the simple things that have helped me. Yesterday I was sharing something I received from Craig Slane's Bonhoeffer As Martyr and I began to cry. I realized that this kind of deep reflection and willing to belief was exactly what I needed to hear!
Jean Vanier writes about belonging in community with those with mental illness in Community and Growth. While I've leaned for years on these writings, only with my friend recently have I had the joy of experiencing just a bit of what he describes as it is specifically related! Mental anguish, obsessive thinking, the feeling of immanent peril and irrational fear are way beyond my human ability to really help. I am personally so prone to fear and rebellion. Over the last week I have seen God come through for us. Of course I should say we are not alone. Numerous others here offered constant prayer and reassurance all along. I would appreciate your prayers as well.
Tags:
German, Bonhoeffer, and Dylan
Work has been slow on the publishing side, I'm waiting for my other editors to hand our book my way for layout and etc. In the meantime I've got three audio books in the kilter from the library. I'm trying to teach myself German with audio lessons. I'm listening to Bob Dylan's autobiography Chronicles Vol. 1 read by Sean Penn. Ready for later is the audio book of CS Lewis' Out of the Silent Planet.
I'm plowing through Eberhard Bethge's monstrous bio Dietrich Bonhoeffer: A Biography (Revised Edition, paperback, 2000.). I'll try to blog my thoughts on it. So far I'm only up to the teen years.
On my first attempt I got stuck in this section. It's really hard to picture life in an area of Poland and Germany that are gone forever now. I was trying to look up the places mentioned (birthplace, lineage, early moves) on Google Earth. They're all gone! Its hard to find a frame of reference for my late twentieth century brain for these early twentieth century places. The fact that Dietrich grew up in a home-church type family is a point of departure. How many home-schooled Christian US kids have read this and identified? I'm not sure it applies. Dietrich's mother brought them up on the Bible stories and hymns of her learning--Moravian Brethren. He used these stories himself when he taught Bible. But it's clear that his family was bourgeious and very passive in their interest in the Church. They didn't attend and didn't really hang out with anyone who did! So Bonhoeffer's interest in becoming a theologian was rather mysterious even to him and he seems to have wanted to keep it that way! Bethge writes:
I'm plowing through Eberhard Bethge's monstrous bio Dietrich Bonhoeffer: A Biography (Revised Edition, paperback, 2000.). I'll try to blog my thoughts on it. So far I'm only up to the teen years.
On my first attempt I got stuck in this section. It's really hard to picture life in an area of Poland and Germany that are gone forever now. I was trying to look up the places mentioned (birthplace, lineage, early moves) on Google Earth. They're all gone! Its hard to find a frame of reference for my late twentieth century brain for these early twentieth century places. The fact that Dietrich grew up in a home-church type family is a point of departure. How many home-schooled Christian US kids have read this and identified? I'm not sure it applies. Dietrich's mother brought them up on the Bible stories and hymns of her learning--Moravian Brethren. He used these stories himself when he taught Bible. But it's clear that his family was bourgeious and very passive in their interest in the Church. They didn't attend and didn't really hang out with anyone who did! So Bonhoeffer's interest in becoming a theologian was rather mysterious even to him and he seems to have wanted to keep it that way! Bethge writes:
"When we turn to the motives and origins of Bonhoeffer's choice of career, it is hard to find any answer that is not somewhat speculative. Nowhere did Bonhoeffer offer an autobiographical account of his decision. But perhaps this omission itself points to something central: his belif that the roots of one's innermost vocation should remain a secret. Bonhoeffer sensed that the curiosity to make oneself sure of something was self-destructive. So we must accept a certain amount of uncertainty when we search for the decisive factors here." (p. 34)Learning to speak German is a little dream of mine accompanied by a wish to visit Germany and Switzerland and see firsthand where Bonhoeffer and Karl Barth lived and worked. My wife and I are like fourth generation Germans (as well as other things). My grandmother on my dad's side speaks fluent German. When I get good enough I should be able to speak with other members here at JPUSA. A good friend just down the hall from me is German. We'll see how far I get with my short attention span. I tried Greek a while back as well.
Tags:
4/17/2006
an update
Thank you for your prayers for Martha's dad, Aaron. He is doing well, the angioplasty revealed no heart damage. He is recovering for a few weeks and then will be evaluated again. Continue to pray for lower stress all around and God's provision. Thanks.
4/13/2006
Please join with us in praying for my wife Martha's dad Aaron as he is now hospitalized for a heart attack. Please pray for complete healing and that God would give wisdom to the doctors to be able to diagnose the issues and help bring God's healing to his body. Aaron and Martha's mom Linda are full time missionaries to China. Please pray for their work and for dedicated laborers. Aaron's health is a real issue for the work now. Pray for provision in the department in his absence and wisdom for all those involved.
Thanks.
Thanks.
4/12/2006
Why We Fight
This film on the military industrial complex looks really good! The site has lots of clips.
I wish it were showing here in Chicago.
Why We Fight: A film by Eugene Jarecki
A must see once it's portable.
Or view it here on Google's Video library:
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1422779427989588955
I wish it were showing here in Chicago.
Why We Fight: A film by Eugene Jarecki
A must see once it's portable.
Or view it here on Google's Video library:
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1422779427989588955
Tags:
4/11/2006
response to a CT editorial
Christianity Today has an editorial posted on their website titled “Before the Next Sex Scandal: How your church and your pastor may prevent the predictable.” After citing examples of recent sexual scandals, the article very passively discusses the issue of temptation with examples of resistance and then curtly the way churches should generally handle disciplinary measures to restore or when necessary isolate the offender. While it is admirable to speak frankly about the ongoing issue of clergy sexual immorality, to me there is something apparently missing from this little information piece, namely a personal interest in the subjects themselves!
While reading this it occurred to me that we might just as easily be discussing preventive measure for a hurricane or a small pox epidemic. Sexual scandal is framed in terms of “the act” and its repercussions. What is not discussed are the act-ors or the root issues that led to the scandalous action itself. I know that only so much can be said in a piece like this. I also know that it is intended for a general audience or readers who themselves have (it is assumed) very little to nothing to do with sexual immorality. The real root sin involved in every sexually immoral action is lust. When it becomes a full blown sexual scandal, the roots of lust have most often had time to spread and furrow deep into every area of a person’s life. In order to grow and deepen a life of dishonesty must be nursed and rarely admitted. Along with that lust most often bitterness and resentment help to blind, deepen and deaden the spirit.
All of these sins are very easily hidden within a pastorate or respectable position within the church. The scandal began long before it came to light. It began with the repeated decision to foster dishonesty and ambiguity. How can the church fend off scandal? By becoming a community that fosters truth tellers. Truth telling doesn’t begin after we have sinned. It begins at the point of our need. Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote his book Life Together as a model for being Christian in counteraction to German society’s way of isolating belief. It contains a way of confession and repentance that at first seemed impractical to its users. In time as they saw him practice it they realized it was exactly what they needed.
Instead of starting with the broken marriages and churches in the aftermath of sex scandal, let’s begin with the fragile sexuality these marriages and churches already contain. Invite real professional help for sexual and relational addictions. Don’t buy into the idea that Jesus instantly takes away any sexual brokenness at conversion or at the altar. He often uses the serious accountability and rigorous repentance of twelve step groups and counseling. Sexual sin reveals in the most intimate and vulnerable places of our psyches the utter frailty of our humanity. Christians can and are speaking honestly about sexual brokenness. We just need much more of it.
Tags:
4/10/2006
talk about sex
I spent some time today visiting the various xxxchurch.com web features. For those who don't know about it, 3x church is a ministry aimed at educating people to the dangers of pornography and helping porn stars get out of the industry. They visit churches and trade shows trying to bring the gospel to the industry. They have some insight into the fact that secretly many church members already know the industry and buy it's services. I've known about 3x church for some time but spent hours today trying to formulate my opinion on them. I downloaded a podcast episode. I downloaded tv evangelist James Robinson's interview with the two pastors and a former porn star.
My reason for reading and digesting all this material was a conversation I had with a friend today about their recent run-in with the American Bible Society over the cover art they wanted printed on 10,000 bibles. These were going to be handed out at Adult trade conventions. The cover simply read in 70's retro art "Jesus loves Porn Stars". ABS refused to publish, sent back their money and suggested various other titles. 3x church already sells t-shirts with this design and has booths with the design. It could have been a lot worse. They could have had Wally the Weiner, the giant blow-up penis on the cover. They use this gimmick with the sign in front "Do you have the balls enough to quit viewing porn?" The title cover is not so bad anymore huh? So anyway, as my friend and I were discussing this I laid out what I felt was wrong. Jesus doesn't love people on the basis of their profession right? So why give away a Bible on that basis? And then we discussed all the ministry aspects of how these folks are reaching people and how God alone knows the fruit.
So anyway, the conversation caused me to further education myself about 3x church and its tactics. Here are some observations: the whole thing is very market oriented. They use trendy advertisements to get to know people and strike up conversations. They use Christian and secular media to get their name out there. They rely on other ministries for the follow up work with individuals struggling with pornography. Generally their approach seems to suggest that while pornography is addictive, Jesus is the miracle cure. On a podcast they ask a former porn star whether all the sex scarred her toward future relationships. Her answer was no, and that the whole experience was only one step in a better life direction. Those seem like conflicting messages. Which is it? An addiction or just a hole anyone can get out of? I don't want to discount miracle cures but it seems to me that if porn is like heroine these guys should be looking to something like the 12 steps and 12 traditions of AA. Finally, it is interesting to me that two pastors who don't seem to have any real background using pornography could develop such a burden for it. If you look at other ministries like Exodus International or Love in Action, the directors are usually people who were directly influenced and effected by the disease. In this case these guys were just called.
All in all I'm thankful for the work 3x church is doing to talk about pornography where it is needed. Most of all I'm thankful that they're putting their money where their mouth is offering a way for those trapped in the industry to get out and find work and a better way of life. All that said, it would be very easy on every level to wonder how an industry built on deceit and conning could find insiders willing to stop right away and finally get completely honest. I will be praying for these guys and their work in the future. I'm glad they're shedding light on the topic of our frail human sexuality. Pornography thrives on silence and secrecy. It is readily available and easily hidden. Faith is only possible in lives capable of rigorous honesty.
My reason for reading and digesting all this material was a conversation I had with a friend today about their recent run-in with the American Bible Society over the cover art they wanted printed on 10,000 bibles. These were going to be handed out at Adult trade conventions. The cover simply read in 70's retro art "Jesus loves Porn Stars". ABS refused to publish, sent back their money and suggested various other titles. 3x church already sells t-shirts with this design and has booths with the design. It could have been a lot worse. They could have had Wally the Weiner, the giant blow-up penis on the cover. They use this gimmick with the sign in front "Do you have the balls enough to quit viewing porn?" The title cover is not so bad anymore huh? So anyway, as my friend and I were discussing this I laid out what I felt was wrong. Jesus doesn't love people on the basis of their profession right? So why give away a Bible on that basis? And then we discussed all the ministry aspects of how these folks are reaching people and how God alone knows the fruit.
So anyway, the conversation caused me to further education myself about 3x church and its tactics. Here are some observations: the whole thing is very market oriented. They use trendy advertisements to get to know people and strike up conversations. They use Christian and secular media to get their name out there. They rely on other ministries for the follow up work with individuals struggling with pornography. Generally their approach seems to suggest that while pornography is addictive, Jesus is the miracle cure. On a podcast they ask a former porn star whether all the sex scarred her toward future relationships. Her answer was no, and that the whole experience was only one step in a better life direction. Those seem like conflicting messages. Which is it? An addiction or just a hole anyone can get out of? I don't want to discount miracle cures but it seems to me that if porn is like heroine these guys should be looking to something like the 12 steps and 12 traditions of AA. Finally, it is interesting to me that two pastors who don't seem to have any real background using pornography could develop such a burden for it. If you look at other ministries like Exodus International or Love in Action, the directors are usually people who were directly influenced and effected by the disease. In this case these guys were just called.
All in all I'm thankful for the work 3x church is doing to talk about pornography where it is needed. Most of all I'm thankful that they're putting their money where their mouth is offering a way for those trapped in the industry to get out and find work and a better way of life. All that said, it would be very easy on every level to wonder how an industry built on deceit and conning could find insiders willing to stop right away and finally get completely honest. I will be praying for these guys and their work in the future. I'm glad they're shedding light on the topic of our frail human sexuality. Pornography thrives on silence and secrecy. It is readily available and easily hidden. Faith is only possible in lives capable of rigorous honesty.
Tags:
A chorus
How I wish you could see things
my way Lord
and take my problems all away
If I praise you in this instant
give me just what I want
Ch:Lord you didn't die for me alone
You're not my sugar daddy savior
you are Lord
of time and all people
and I must find myself in You
I've got expectations
for the way things need to be
and there's a god out there somewhere
ready to promise them to me
I know in my heart
they won't bring satisfaction
You are bigger than my ego
and you are greater than my heart
4/07/2006
between my earbuds
You just never know what's going on between those earbuds. Yes I bought
a refreshed (but not refurbished) ipod mini. A friend asked what sort of
hillbilly hootenany music I had on it. In truth I now have sorted the
following:
A Knock At Midnight: Inspiration from the Great Sermons of Rev. Martin
Luther King, Jr (original recorded sermons).
morningprayer's podcast: daily readings from the Book of Common Prayer
Books(!): George Orwell, 1984.
Carl Sandberg: Chicago Poems.
TS Eliot selections from Wikipedia.
And yes there is the hootenany music: I select downloads from
NoDepression.net each time they're posted.
Also: Son Volt, Okemah
Dylan, Blood on the Tracks
and I still have half the ipod free for other stuff when I need it. I'll
be using it as a flash drive for files at work as well.
So I've been asking myself am I a yuppy yet? The earbud is a yuppy
signifier. I could spray paint or model paint or nail polish paint them.
Or I could just leave it alone. Also included in the box were two apple
stickers. I won't be using those.
It is profoundly ironic that the Apple symbol is somehow a felt symbol
for bucking the system. I see them on cars next to punker bumper
stickers. The other day I went down to the Apple store because I was
impatient with the shipping time on my ipod. I walk up to the Apple
store on Michigan Ave. and am startled to notice that the front plate
glass window looks broken from the corner of my eye. As I get closer its
not really broken but an advertising stunt for their new radio ipod
service. Sickening. And I don't mean that in the old "cool" vernacular.
(Now I sound like Montgomery Burns.)
I'm always sensitive to feeling controlled by advertisers. Since when
did "smashed" turn yuppy? Maybe I just haven't noticed.
So I step inside this expensive box with a bitten apple on it and am
taken back by how packed the place is and yet how nothing these folks
are touching or viewing is the actual product they buy. They mingle with
store employees and discuss the merch. I overhear one geek correcting
the employee on his obvious technical "yesterdayness."
The sick brand-as-life feeling permeates everything. The only way I know
this is a store is that the security guard knows I'm there to buy and
not mingle. He eyes me as I flit from place to place just looking for
the actual product to buy and not a store sample. I head upstairs. Oh,
here we go, earbuds and cases. I can actually hold and view these in
attempt to buy!
I head back downstairs and ask an employee where they keep the ipods. He
says they're behind the counter in back. Ok. I stand in line and then
ask the clerk (wondering what sort of appley name they have for that
position) for a refreshed (not refurbished they don't sell refurbished
products) Ipod nano. How much are they by the way? She can't tell me the
price. She must ring it up. She goes in the back room then calls a
manager. "Do we have refreshed nanos?" "What color?" "Black." "Step
aside and let me help the next customer while you wait." "OK." "Yes we
have a black nano."
I look at it and am a little satisfied. No the truth is I hate it. It's
the size of a large stick of gum. I'm sure I'll smash it with my keys in
my pocket. If I'm forced to wear this large tongue depressor/stick of
gum on my arm as an ad I'll walk around feeling like an idiot. "Go ahead
and ring it up." Its way over what I thought. "Do you have any 4G
nanos?" Now the woman flashes that "You annoy me. You know you don't
belong here. Let me drop everything to help you with your problem."
winning smile and for a second disappears behind the back door. "Nope no
4G nanos!" "OK, sorry to bother you." "Next."
That was the most silly hour and a half wasted in my recent memory. And
if you've actually read this whiney rant and identify I pity you as well.
Tags:
4/05/2006
On Play
I love country gospel music. But I also love good satire. In the early 1990's a band called the Sanctified Glory Mountain Revival Festival played Cornerstone Festival. Their ep was a hit in my circle of friends in Bible college. (That tells you something about my circle of friends. I dug up the old cassettes this morning and played them. Terrible music. (But that's the point.) But delightful lyrics.
Here are my favorites:
I'm So Glad For The Preacher
When I was just a little child, I was very young.
I used to do some awful things just in the name of fun.
I'd break up all my crayons, I'd write upon the wall.
What was the reason for such wickedness. I was the product of Adam's fall.
Then one day I went to church out on the edge of town.
The preach in' heard, the singin' loud,
when they shouted their hair down.
My eyes were big as saucers as I did hear and see,
it was in that country church where the preacher scared he--
out of me.
(Chorus)
He spoke of fire and brimstone,
I felt the flames so hot,
it's a place of awful torment, where the worm dieth not.
He said to miss this awful place from sin you'll have to flee.
I'm so glad for the preacher, who scared
he- - out of me.
iI you go your way, and do your own thing, you make your boastful claims.
You wear your shorts, smoke cigarettes, and you go to them old ballgames.
You watch that one-eyed devil that we call the old boob tube.
I hope you find a preacher, who'll scare he- - out of you.
(Chorus)
If Your Hair's Too Long
A rich young ruler came one day
To ask about the narrow way
But his hair was long and he couldn't be saved
The preacher looked at him through tears
And said the problem's on your ears
If your hair's too long there's sin in your heart
If your hair's on your ears, there's sin in your heart
Get it cut today and make a new start
You'll live a life of fear and dread
With that tangled mess upon your head
If your hairs too long there's sin in your heart
My friend if you will enter there
You'll not go there with your long hair
If your hair's too long, there's sin in your heart
They'll be hell behind with those I fear
Who wear their hair upon their ears
If your hair's too long there's sin in your heart
From the album Polly Ester Heaven, Mootown Records.
If anybody knows what ever happened to these folks, I'm interested.
Here are my favorites:
I'm So Glad For The Preacher
When I was just a little child, I was very young.
I used to do some awful things just in the name of fun.
I'd break up all my crayons, I'd write upon the wall.
What was the reason for such wickedness. I was the product of Adam's fall.
Then one day I went to church out on the edge of town.
The preach in' heard, the singin' loud,
when they shouted their hair down.
My eyes were big as saucers as I did hear and see,
it was in that country church where the preacher scared he--
out of me.
(Chorus)
He spoke of fire and brimstone,
I felt the flames so hot,
it's a place of awful torment, where the worm dieth not.
He said to miss this awful place from sin you'll have to flee.
I'm so glad for the preacher, who scared
he- - out of me.
iI you go your way, and do your own thing, you make your boastful claims.
You wear your shorts, smoke cigarettes, and you go to them old ballgames.
You watch that one-eyed devil that we call the old boob tube.
I hope you find a preacher, who'll scare he- - out of you.
(Chorus)
If Your Hair's Too Long
A rich young ruler came one day
To ask about the narrow way
But his hair was long and he couldn't be saved
The preacher looked at him through tears
And said the problem's on your ears
If your hair's too long there's sin in your heart
If your hair's on your ears, there's sin in your heart
Get it cut today and make a new start
You'll live a life of fear and dread
With that tangled mess upon your head
If your hairs too long there's sin in your heart
My friend if you will enter there
You'll not go there with your long hair
If your hair's too long, there's sin in your heart
They'll be hell behind with those I fear
Who wear their hair upon their ears
If your hair's too long there's sin in your heart
From the album Polly Ester Heaven, Mootown Records.
If anybody knows what ever happened to these folks, I'm interested.
4/04/2006
go away sun!
AAAAHHH! My eyes!!! The sun is glaring off a van across the street and I
don't have a shade on my window! Its been so cloudy, gloomy, wet and
cold lately. I know its been Spring officially for weeks but every time
I start to believe it's true I get proven wrong by another 30 something
degree cold snap with heavy winds. My friend Anthony enjoys wonderfully
warm California, having shunned the weather of his Indiana youth. He
would. I'm not happy enough to enjoy the sun out west and I refuse to
wear shades. Finally. The sun moved. All it takes is a diatribe.
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