on blogging and tracking it

Here are my thoughts on blogging and then tracking it.

Tags: keywords, blogging, tracking, sitetracker, analysis, frustration, glee, etcetera

Calling or Profession?

One of the central issues Larry Witham highlights in his book involves the Call to ministry (Who Shall Lead Them? Chapter One). He reports that many ministers feel guilty that they must spend so much time worrying about their work as a vocation (paying bills, overseeing building projects, business meetings, or planning for the future) when they first experienced the Call to spiritual ministry. One way in which this practically plays out for ministers is with finances. It is estimated that for a church to be able to afford a full time pastor it must have 200 full time (its is assumed---tithing) members. Think about that. The rubber suddenly meets the road. "Wait a second," the called minister might think, "I responded to a call at the altar to save the lost. I have a burden for souls. Nobody ever said anything about pressuring a congregation to pay their tithes."

I could cast a very skeptical eye over this whole affair. I could say "the whole architecture of this economic reality is flawed." American giving doesn't allow for the economic realities facing a small church these days. What if out of a person's paycheck every week they already feel urged by God to give to the Red Cross, the American Way, the American Cancer Society and the Salvation Army? What's left over for their church? I didn't really want to go there. But I can't help but think it's a factor. Giving follows the latest Cause on the News. What began as a Call to spiritual ministry becomes a dog fight between equal nonprofits for the bone of attentive charity. There's something wrong with that.

Well I don't want to spend any more time complaining. This is ministry life in America. If you feel a call to pastor, you're accepting the call not to pastor "A" congregation, but "this" congregation with all of its' messy foibles. Just like when you come to Jesus for the first time you are saying not just "I want You Lord" but I want "THIS" local congregation. I commit to loving and serving and being one of these people that you've directed me too. When you fall in love with a woman there are a lot of things you don't know about her at first. And frankly you don't care. But when you commit to marrying her you are saying "this is my new place in life and I accept it."

I remember a gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach every month at Chapel in college. A visiting minister would come and give an invitation to intern at his ministry. Sometimes this was a simple description from a local minister about his church. I remember gazing over the crowd of my student peers noticing that they were very unimpressed. But other times there'd be a certain pastor with a lot of pizazz, a nice suit and perfect hair---a young looking guy. He really knew how to work the crowd. He'd developed a following and was a bit of a celebrity. That guy gave an invitation that anyone would have wanted to sit up and follow. In fact it made me question my calling. "Dear God why am I struggling here working with the homeless in the Bible Belt and this guy working in Chicago at Cabrini Green has to beat interns off with a stick?!?" It didn't seem fair. Maybe I was being Called to work somewhere that really "worked."

One day one of the faculty said something in Chapel that answered that question. He said "Ministry is a battlefield. If you're called to Ministry you're in that battle right now. You're not waiting for that big vocation later. You're called to be faithful right here, right now." That really stuck with me. I don't always feel like a success in what I do.
Maybe a spiritual Calling is actually a cold slap in the face. Far from being only an ecstatic spiritual experience it is an open door to a new terrain. The terrain of following Jesus, taking up a cross, enduring persecution, learning faithfulness, and receiving the true Joy of salvation.

Tags: Pastorate, clergy, congregation, ministry, calling, vocation, Larry Witham, "Who Shall Lead Them", salvation, battlefield, contentment

A little study of the Pastorate

For as far back as I can remember I have lived within the fulcrum of a ministerial calling. My father is an ordained minister. As early as age five I responded to the call of salvation and then, every day since, to the call to ministry. I have never been ordained in any official sense as a lay or pastoral minister, still I feel the Call to ministerial activity in my blood. As a teenager I had the privilege of sharing my faith every week on a music television program. I began quite opposed to the idea of preaching. I thought of it as much too harsh and heavy a term for my tastes. But boy did I preach fire and brimstone! Over the six years that I "shared" on television I grew into the preaching until it didn't seem quite so authoritarian or condescending to my own ears. Even so, every time I turned on that camera and opened a Bible an argument was brewing inside my head as to it's truthfulness and my authority to speak.

When I turned eighteen I had no idea what to do with my life. I'd been working for three years in full time ministry. I'd been through the self-styled ad-hoc omnivore school of discipleship. I literally stumbled into the idea of Bible college with barely any forethought. The summer before college I struggled with some serious workaholism while in ministry. I thought that it was impossible to burn out for Jesus and I used work to cope with a myriad of emotional and sexual issues that I didn't feel I could talk about. Accountable to everyone-- in truth I was accountable to no one. I bitterly ignored the warnings to slow down and the pleadings to open up and talk. Just before I left for college the young woman I believed I would one day marry departed for good. Maybe Bible college would be a welcome break for me. Well it wasn't, and three years later I suffered a nervous breakdown. I walked in and dropped every one of my classes. With a wry smile the Dean of Academics said, "Well when you come back to the Lord, look us up again." I still don't know what to make of that parting remark. I felt very much like I'd been unable to live up to the call of ministry and here was this jibe that maybe I wasn't right with God. Since this experience I have encountered many others who sensed a call to ministry but got lost along the way. Some of them are unsure of their faith at all.

I still feel haunted and empowered by this spiritual Call. I don't feel like its something I have to live up to anymore. Being a part of the church as a good husband, father, and friend and maybe occasionally penning something inspired is a weighty enough endeavor for now. Even so I feel an urgency to pray for and support those persons involved in an active Pastorate. Particularly in those smaller unnoticed congregations with unassuming names and places. I've long been curious about the changing nature of pastoral ministry in American society.
Somewhere in my memory I remembered someone talking about how the job of pastor was once within the top ten jobs every little boy wanted as a child. Were the 1950s a golden age for American pastors? Has twenty-first century America made the profession a mere caricature of itself? I had to find out. Here are the results of my little study.

**********************************************

Remember your leaders, those who spoke the word of God to you; consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their faith. (Heb. 13:7 NRSV)

But we appeal to you, brothers and sisters, to respect those who labor among you, and have charge of you in the Lord and admonish you; esteem them very highly in love because of their work. Be at peace among yourselves. (1 Thess. 5:12 NRSV)

“There is no dearer treasure, no nobler thing on earth or in this life than a good and faithful pastor and preacher.” Martin Luther

“Leaders have their inner wounds and limitations like everyone else; we are called to love them as brothers and sisters. Members who have difficulty with authority and with the limitations of their leaders need good accompaniment in order to avoid falling into the trap of closing up.”

---Jean Vanier, Community and Growth, Paulist, 1989, pg. 234-5.

Larry Witham asks, “Is American ministry in crisis or simply in the thick of very interesting times?" Most of the following statistics come from his book Who Shall Lead Them? The Future of Ministry in America. While other professions (like lawyers) have prospered over the last five decades, he writes that:

“the share of clergy has practically stayed flat, hovering just above one minister for every thousand Americans. . . . for some, the comparison between the pulpit and the bench is enough to declare that Christian ministry in America is in decline.” (pg. 1)

Is there a clergy crisis today compared with other eras? A close look reveals that its complicated. No profession looks rosy under too much scrutiny. The pulpit has a different standard for scrutiny:

"The expectations put on clergy in the United States are colored by a culture of evangelical immediacy and business-world pragmatism---ministers must bring results. For conservative believers this result is pietistic transformation---the proverbial revival. For more liberal or communitarian believers, clergy are expected to erect “the kingdom of God,” a world of better health, education, peace, and justice.”(Witham, pg. 3)

Here is a glance into the landscape of the profession (Witham, 10-11):

Between 1910 and 2000 there were just a fraction more than one “occupational” minister for every one thousand citizens.

The US 2000 census found 388,925 with a “clergy” occupation in the past five years.

Denominations reported 351,989 “serving parishes” so these two figures on “active” clergy

Matching a rough estimate of 300,000 to 350,000 congregations

But these are not counting all clergy. Many ordained are retired or not leading local churches.

Denominations total= 595,935

60% lead local churches

40% are teachers, missionaries, counselors, administrators, freelancers, or retired.

Denominational layout of clergy

Mainline Protestants: 22 %

Pentecostals 21%

Southern Baptists 15%

Roman Catholics 11%

Historic Black Churches 8%

Other (Adventist, Mormon, “orthodox” Protestant) 23%

Where are they?

The South 40%

The Midwest 25%

West/Northeast 17%

“Regional proportions have remained stable in recent decades with the Sunbelt showing the most growth and the industrial Northeast the most loss. Today, most clergy (52 percent) work in towns and rural settings. A quarter serve in cities with population of ten thousand or more, and the rest carry out ministry in the suburbs.”

How local culture affects ministry:

Nevada is 1 to 1,644 citizens

South Dakota and Arkansas are 1 to 460 citizens.

National average is 1 to 723. (appx. In Wisconsin, Louisiana, Michigan)

On megachurches, get this:
"For all their celebrity megachurches draw few than 2% of the nation's worshippers: about two million people. (Witham, 136)"


This is but a taste of a large body of data. Time and space don't allow me to cover the wealth of material found in Larry Witham's whole book. In eleven chapters he skillfully covers the crucial issues facing anyone entering or serving in a full time pastorate today. The diversity of today's ministry makes the reading exhaustive. Never before in history has the pastorate looked so unique and particular to each locale's needs and individuals. Which, when you stop and think about it, is a truly wonderful thing! The real locus of American social study of the pastorate, and the source of much of Witham's material is with Jackson W. Carroll who founded the Pulpit & Pew, "an interdenominational project aimed at strengthening the quality of pastoral leadership (clergy and lay) in churches, parishes, and other faith communities across America." The fruit of this research project can be found in his book God's Potters: Pastoral Leadership and the Shaping of Congregations (Eerdmans, 2006).

William Willimon gives six “chief ministerial metaphors of our time” that I think succinctly compose the different images we think of when we refer to pastor:

Media Mogul

Political Negotiator

Therapist

Manager

Resident Activist

Preacher

He gives about a page to each of these metaphors in his book Pastor: A Reader for Ordained Ministry (pg. 55). After exploring each of these he concludes:

“My impression is that contemporary ministry is groping for an appropriate metaphor for our pastoral work. Perhaps there has always been a certain tension in the guiding images for what we do. It is the nature of the Christian ministry to be multifaceted and multidimensional.”

BTW, William Willimon now has his own blog.

Tags: Pastor, image, sociology, pastorate, Larry Witham, Jackson Carroll, William Willimon, statistics

"Personal File" lyrics

I carefully typed in the lyrics to some songs I can't stop listening to on my wordpress blog--- here.

Tags: Johnny Cash, "Personal File", Lyrics

A heads up on Avigdor Lieberman from a Christian Arab in Beit Sahour

A Disaster in the Middle East Is Imminent
Avigdor Lieberman becomes Israel's Deputy Prime Minister
by Samer Kokaly of Beit Sahour, Palestine


Avigdor Lieberman is a well-known personality who always asked about kicking Palestinians out of Palestine. He hates Arabs.

He is now in a position where he can do what he wants and lead the whole Middle East into a real disaster. So how can we expect peace between Israelis and Palestinians while he is in charge?

We send this message to all the people in the world who believe in peace and call on you to join our efforts to stop this man and his catastrophic plans.

The Middle East has suffered a lot for many years from wars and conflicts and I believe that it is the time to think about real peace in the Middle East. We must seek for a new leadership that can achieve peace.

So let's raise our voices against the disaster policies of Avigdor Lieberman, George Bush, Tony Blair, and many others who are only seeking for disaster in the world.

See also:
Haaretz editorial
Antiwar on Lieberman

Tags: Avigdor Lieberman, Middle East, arabs, hate, israel, politics

Ted Haggard responds to his church

Here is the letter of response from Ted Haggard to his church, which was read aloud this morning.

Tags: ted haggard, New Life church, response, apology

Top 20 List

Alas I too have succumb to the pressure. . . Here's my

Top 20 Books list originally presented by Ben Myers.

20. No Compromise by Melody Green and David Hazard
19. Blood Brothers by Elias Chacour and David Hazard
18. Cotton Patch Evidence by Dallas Lee
17. Hammers & Nails: the Life and Music of Mark Heard by Matthew Dickerson
16. After Fundamentalism by Bernard Ramm
15. With Open Hands by Henri Nouwen
14. Reaching Out by Henri Nouwen
13. The 1979 Book of Common Prayer
12. Humanization and the Politics of God: The Koinonia Ethics of Paul Lehmann by Nancy Duff
11. Bonhoeffer as Martyr by Craig Slane
10. We Wish to Inform You that tomorrow we will be killed with our families by Philip Gourevitch
9. The Epistle to the Romans by Karl Barth
8. The Revised English Bible
7. Discipleship by Dietrich Bonhoeffer
6. The Presence of the Kingdom by Jacques Ellul
5. Community and Growth by Jean Vanier
4. On Love by Josef Pieper
3. Life Together by Dietrich Bonhoeffer
2. Dogmatics in Outline by Karl Barth
1. Prayer by Karl Barth

This is an eclectic sort of list. It reflects the things that have always been part of my life: music, politics, prayer, community, and faith.

Tags: top 20 books list, politics, prayer, community, faith

I've been interested in the social history of the pastorate recently. The news broke yesterday on Ted Haggard. BlueChristian has the good word on the whole sordid affair. I'm quite saddened by it.

Tags: social history, pastorate, perceptions, Ted Haggard, news

Jesus Camp moves

After the furor over Jesus Camp, Becky was forced to move the location from Devil's Lake.
Turns out vandals did some serious damage. Here's the story. It's really too bad that people can't watch a film without being so reactionary. It's sad that conversations about faith can't turn meaningful instead of threatening.

Tags: Jesus Camp, Vandalism, closure, Assemblies of God

Tinkering with Wordpress

I've been tinkering with a new Wordpress blog over the last week. I'm debating over whether to switch this whole blog over there. I invite your comments on Beta Blogger vs. Wordpress. Youtube no longer functions with the new blogger. I'm thinking of uploading .mp3 posts so as to audioblog to Wordpress. I think I can do that. Most of the hits I get here are anonymous and transient through the old Cornerstonemag.com site. You may have noticed that the Cornerstone Fest forum site is down and that all my articles on there are gone---I hope someday they'll reappear! My friend Jon over at BlueChristian is tinkering with a BlueChristian.com. If you're here for the Bonhoeffer blogging I'll be continuing that wherever I decide to land.

Tags: BetaBlogger, Wordpress.com, Youtube, Cornerstonemag.com, Cornerstone Festival

response to Mark Noll's "Where We Are and How We Got Here"

I finally got around to reading Mark Noll's article "Where We Are and How We Got Here." Responding point by point would take far too long but I want to critique two evangelical distinctives in the last fifty years.

1. The propagation of the gospel as a repository of Truth. Evangelicals have made Jesus accessible and relevant but in effect they've also made him an American concept. (Please somebody, prove that statement wrong! Assure me that evangelicals haven't and aren't doing it.)
Jesus is not a concept, he is a person. In his Christology lectures Bonhoeffer explains the difference framed as the "who" vs. the "how".

"In our daily language the question, "Who are you?" is very common. Nevertheless it is easily changed into the how question. Tell me how you are. Tell me how you are thinking. Then I can determine who you are. The question about the who is the most basic religious question. It is a question about another person, another being, another authority. It is a question about the love of one's neighbor. The question about transcendence and the question about existence is a question about the neighbor. It is a question about a person. That we are always asking how demonstrates our captivity to our own authority. If we were to ask, "Who are you?" we would be speaking the language of the obedient Adam. Instead we think according to the fallen Adam, asking how." (DBW 12:282-284)

2. The willingness and then eagerness to spread the gospel through every available new medium of communication. Noll uses the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association and Kenneth Taylor (author of the paraphrased Living Bible translation) as prime examples of this. My question is an old one. Just because we can use every new medium should we? Now before you roll your eyes I'd like you to consider the points raised by Marshall McLuhan, Jacques Ellul, and Father Walter J. Ong in this regard. These men were hardly hateful of technology, but they were deeply aware of its' effects. In other words they cared about the tools. Alongside Billy Graham and Kenneth Taylor should be names of folks who studied the mediums themselves with an eye toward what might be compromised in the gospel presentation. I don't know that such evangelicals even exist. They must be somewhere. But who are they? Right along with that point comes a question about the Communicator and the medium. Why are big names the emphasis in Evangelicalism? Yes, you may remark that more people identify with personalities--that that's just the way of things. But when do the Big names become an ill intended effect themselves?

A case in point would be the big deal made over Bono's cussing some years ago. He made a point of saying "I'm no role model." The issue addressed the fact that Bono's actions communicated something other than his message. When Billy Graham got caught on tape in Nixon's office openly worrying about Jews there again the Communicator was critiqued. My point is that just like the medium communicates on its' own so the Communicator issues other messages than Jesus as well.

So here we're stuck with some realities about life and faith. We communicate as people through mediums. When people get popular their image becomes iconic and confused within the medium. Other unintended messages are sent than the gospel. The desire to follow Jesus and speak rightly of him are compromised. I'm not going to offer a simple solution here because there isn't one. Technique should be questioned. That's it.

Tags: Mark Noll, Evangelicalism, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Christianity Today, Media, Mediums, Technique

Bethge: Chapter Eight, London: 1933-1935

Blogging Bethge
Dietrich Bonhoeffer: A Biography, Revised Edition, by Eberhard Bethge, Fortress Press, 2000.
Chapter Eight, London: 1933-1935 pg. 325-419

It is disheartening to find our 'theologian of community' standing alone. From all that I've observed blogging Bethge up to this point, it is clear that Dietrich Bonhoeffer's belief in God depends upon relationship between persons. For this reason the amount of angst he must have internalized around this time regarding his dogmatic resistance to the Aryan Clause must have been unbearable. His words to Karl Barth are telling:

"I feel that in some way I don't understand, I find myself in radical opposition to all my friends; I became increasingly isolated with my views of things, even though I was and remain personally close to these people. All this has frightened me and shaken my confidence so that I began to fear that dogmatism might be leading me astray---since there seemed no particular reason why my own view in these matters should be any better, any more right, than the views of many really capable pastors whom I sincerely respect---and so I thought it was about time to go into the wilderness for a spell. . . . It seems to me that at the moment it is more dangerous for me to make a gesture than to retreat into silence." (326)

If leaving Berlin for London was an evasion, Bethge assures us "This attempt at evasion, however, was completely unsuccessful." (327) Bonhoeffer couldn't "win even a week's respite from the turbulence in Berlin." He traveled every few weeks back to Berlin. His phone bill was so high that the local post office reduced it to a manageable size. Bethge gives us a wonderful picture of Bonhoeffer's parish ministry in London. He vividly describes where Dietrich lived, studied, worked, and played his Bechstein piano. The windows and doors never shut completely. He battle colds and flu. The house was overrun with mice. Even so, it sounds as though this house was busy with the joy of friends and relatives. The church youth met here to practice their nativity play, to sing, or sometimes just to listen to his large record collection.

Bonhoeffer's work in the parish, his sermons and discipling work, reflected his involvement in the church struggle. We are blessed to have his London sermons. (A Testament to Freedom, 213-252) In chapter eight Bethge carefully takes us through Bonhoeffer's work against the Reich Church government and the formation of his relationship with Archbishop George Bell. This chapter describes some of his most important ecumenical work. Far from retreating from the Church Struggle Bonhoeffer's position as an expat pastor in London allowed him to use his ecumenical connections to embarrass the German church before the eyes of the watching world. At different times I got the distinct feel that Bonhoeffer enjoyed being a jerk to the church authority, namely one Bishop Heckel.

Bethge sets the Barmen Declaration of May 1934 squarely within Bonhoeffer's ecumenical work. It gives it a totally different perspective. Bonhoeffer worked on a letter with Bishop Bell to be sent to the representatives of the Universal Council for Life and Work regarding the German Evangelical Church. Bonhoeffer had to make the differences clear between the Confessing Churches and the German Churches. The Ecumenical planners needed to know exactly who represented the Church in Germany. Bethge says,

"the letter did spell out the essential grievances unequivocally: the Fuhrer principle, a violent regime, disciplinary measures, and racial discrimination "without precedent in the history of the Church . . . incompatible with the Christian principle."(370)

With Bell's ecumenical support the opposition churches in German were fortified for their Barmen Synod on May 29. This is where Bonhoeffer's help lay for Barmen. Despite all his work he was misunderstood both by his friends in the Confessing Church and in the ecumenical world. His Confessing friends could not understand his emphasis on the Sermon on the Mount. Among his ecumenical friends he felt isolated for his emphasis on confession and opposition to heresy. He saw the needed connection between both of these worlds but was alone with that vision. (372)

I'd like to draw your attention to two articles on the Barmen Declaration and its' significance since 1934. Victoria Barnett, Church historian and author of For the Soul of the People: a history of the Confessing Church wrote an article for the Christian Century on the fiftieth anniversary of Barmen. This has to be the most important treatment I've read. Very indepth and insightful, giving Barmen's strengths and weaknesses for subsequent generations.

The second article is a lengthy revisiting by Ulrich Mauser for Theology Matters, a publication of Presbyterians for Faith, Family and Ministry. Dr. Mauser taught New Testament at Princeton T.S. but is a native German working with the original source material. His background info for Barmen is amazing. The Epilogue begins a dialogue with Barmen and specific PCUSA discussions concerning homosexuality.

Dietrich's work in London was effective. He got his church and others to turn to the Confessing church. Sadly this didn't stick after he left. There were financial considerations and Germany had them by the purse strings. In the end Bonhoeffer was called home to begin a preacher's seminary. He had been still working on plans to go to Ghandi in India. But his dedication to the Confessing churches took over.

In the end Bonhoeffer's course was not his own to take. His love for the Church was more important than his practical plans to teach Germans nonviolent resistance. Was this a godly choice? Was this God's will? We can't take Bonhoeffer out of his place in the church. Even in a church that in the end took the wrong course and left him stranded alone.

Tags: Eberhard Bethge, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Karl Barth, Victoria Barnett, Confessing Church, History, Ulrich Mauser, theology, pastoral life, ecumenical work

The most significant word of comparison

"It is becoming increasingly clear to me that what we're going to get is a big, popular, national church whose nature cannot any longer be reconciled with Christianity and that we must be prepared to enter upon entirely new paths which we will have to tread. The question really is: Germanism or Christianity? The sooner the conflict comes out into the open, the better. Nothing is more dangerous than concealing this."

--Dietrich Bonhoeffer's letter to his grandmother on August 20, 1933. (Eberhard Bethge, Dietrich Bonhoeffer: A Biography, Revised Edition, p. 302)

To me this is the most significant word of comparison between America now and Germany in 1933. Our question today is Americanism or Christianity? Bonhoeffer saw and maintained a clear difference. For America it's a lot more ambiguous as we do not have one officially recognized national church. Evangelicalism is being dubbed the national religion by the press by virtue of its' size and political prowess, and of course because of its seeming overwhelming affinity toward the Bush Administration.

In order to ask "Americanism or Christianity?" we have to move beyond the Bush Administration. We have to see it for what it is but not make the current Administration the line of demarcation. Even so, like Karl Barth after WWI, we have to wake up. Our government represents certain interests in the world that are diametrically opposed to Christian faith. And yet every President has to some degree represented himself (yes always a him!) as a man of Christian faith (usually Protestant, once a Catholic).

This little rant is inspired in part by my viewing the film "The Trials of Henry Kissinger" last night.:)

Tags: The Trials of Henry Kissinger, Karl Barth, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Americanism, Christianity

Conspiracy and Imprisonment review link

Craig Nessan's review of Conspiracy and Imprisonment (Volume 16 in the Dietrich Bonhoeffer Works) is excellent. As you know I'm still plodding through Bethge. It'll be some time before I see this title. I think I read in the Dietrich Bonhoeffer English Language Society newsletter that the final books from this series will be out over the next two years. It's a beautiful time to be into Bonhoeffer.

text to audio blogs

If We Never Meet Again. . . .

Another wounded soldier passed recently. Not like the others. This time he fell on his own sword. This pains me, not unlike the others, but this time I can't help but be a bit angry. God knows that I myself have often looked down at myself in contempt, doubting that this sword of the Spirit really fit my arm. I doubted my strength. I doubted my shield of faith. I even laid down my armor to die. I don't know how I made it through except to say that at some point my despair didn't work anymore.

Wait, yes I do remember. I got reminded quickly that I was not alone. That this fight was not mine alone. That I was surrounded by other Christian soldiers all around. They surrounded me, picked me up, and pointed out that we needed each other. And I didn't want to die.

But this man isolated himself. He got alone long enough to end it. I don't want to judge a man who wasn't in his right mind. But for me, I feel that Ending It is an angry, selfish thing to do.

I've lost many friends in this life. I know that this will continue in my life because death is a part of life. I guess I'll never get used to it. I don't think I'm supposed to. Each loss takes its own small piece of me.

When I was about the age my son is now I befriended a man who hung out on our community's front porch. He was so kindly and full of life. But he was also always red faced. I learned over time that he didn't come inside because he was drunk. He always asked me about myself and what I was doing. He said I reminded him of his son and he always imagined that somehow we'd all meet someday.

Over time something I said to Jose really softened his heart. One day he was overcome with tears and said he really wanted to quit drinking and live his life. My dad gave the wonderful news when Jose gave his life to Jesus, joined our little community, and turned his life around. For six wonderful months I hung out with Jose and got to know him as a fresh faced, sober, intelligent and kind person. One day I got the news my friend, who had quite a temper, just stormed off one day and hitchhiked away from us. I saw him again in front of a Catholic Worker house one day. He was doing OK, drinking on and off, but trying to manage. And then one day we got a call that he had gotten drunk and been killed. I was there when we carried his coffin and laid it in our community's little paupers grave. Jose was finally laid to rest. I didn't understand why he had to struggle so but I was happy for the time I got to know him.

Later as an adult I made a friend named Gary. Gary rode the rails for a living. He fancied himself a professional hobo. Somehow he got tied into my circle of friends. Every night we talked and laughed and really enjoyed his company. He gave his life to Jesus and swore off alcohol. The last day I ever saw him was on a Sunday. Though he felt afraid and felt terribly out of place, he wore his best shirt and sat through a church service with us just to belong. In the parking lot afterwards he asked what I was doing the next day. I had all kinds of papers due and tests coming at school. "Oh" he said, "I just wish I knew where I could hang out. I get lonely and its hard to stay sober." I suggested he stay with my friend Richard but he couldn't go there because it was a shelter. Even with the cold coming on he needed to be outside. And that was it. After that he was gone.

After three days I found a notice from the police in a shelter stating that they'd found a homeless man who'd been beaten to death by the railroad tracks. They gave a number to call to identify him. I was so shocked. Though I'd had the experience with Jose, this time I felt personally responsible. If only I'd been with Gary this wouldn't have happened! I called the detective and gave him the info I had for Gary. Just before his death Gary had given us his address. At our little coffeehouse we held a memorial service for Gary. Somehow the Lord had seen fit to allow us to share his last days. We sent his ashes back to his family in Colorado. It didn't seem fair the way he went. It didn't seem dignified. But what is dignified about death?

The older I get the more I realize that death is a part of life. I struggle with saying goodbye as much as saying hello. I've had to say goodbye to too many friends. But this is life in abundance. This is what God has dealt with since he created life. The dust he used returns to dust.

I suppose my real struggle is with my responsibility. To love other persons and know them as I am loved and known. Am I ever really doing it right? The words, the touch, the look, the bodily presence, it never quite measures up with the memory, the thoughts of "what if I had only. . ."

As I understand faith, Obeying God is as much about acceptance as it is about action. Accepting things we can't control, like the actions of the other person and their eventual absence. The loving action involves a courage to do what I can. That action must involve the faith that God somehow uses my efforts.

Finally, let me say I do believe in heaven. I believe in reunion. The song "Will the Circle Be Unbroken?" speaks to that. I also believe in the family of believers across time. I am grateful for the connection I share with the thoughts and actions of believers who've been gone for many years. I believe I am a part of this Family across time and I'm grateful for that.

Part 2

When it came time for the prayer requests in the Baptist Church I used to attend I would tune out. Miss Hutchins has pnuemonia, Miss Doughty is a shut-in who asks that we remember her in prayer after a recent spill. Mrs. Smith has a son who is backslidden and on drugs. And on occasion I honestly thought to myself that the Church must be this place where the gospel is like a shalack meant to preserve us, but that over time it wears off. Prayers for healing, deliverance and salvation must be new coats of shalack that delay the inevitable. I used to think of the way the deacon called for prayer for the "Sickamongus" as though it were some flesh eating disease. In that church all the hymns were about victory living or getting saved. So when he spoke of the sickamongus he said it like we had to pray that it didn't infect our sense of victorious salvation. I also remember the "unspoken" prayer. Such and such has an unspoken prayer. What was that about? How was I supposed to not wonder what that unspoken prayer was? Did that person have AIDS or the gout? Were they secretly smoking? Come on give up the goods!
I don't have to think real hard as to why it is unspoken. Prayer requests too often cleverly disguise gossip.

I've never had to deal with real sickness. I was told that I was miraculously healed of a serious ear infection as a child. But since that time I can't think of a time I've needed prayer for serious bodily healing. For that reason maybe its self satisfaction and lack of empathy that makes me despise speaking of the sickamongus.


There's another reason. I've been exposed to so much real suffering in the world, that I can't help almost laughing at Miss Hitchen's flu. Oh you poor thing. Lebanese children are being bombed. But I'm sure the Lord cares more about your flu. You just happened to win the genetic lottery being born in Christian Missouri, God Bless You. That's a cold and heartless sentiment. And yes, truthfully, somehow God cares for everybody. Even so, I have always battled with what seems to be a religion of anesthesia that infected that church and many others I've been in.

Truthfully, I hate sickness because, when it is severe it points to death. I believe it is true that Jesus is victorious over death and that as his followers we are too. I believe in Jesus healing power. But its always been important to me to remember the grand Scheme. Sickness here is no more important than a child dying of dysentery in Africa. And yet TV tells us every night that any discomfort whatsoever is an afront to our humanity. That we are entitled to the best drug at any time. I can't help thinking that this wellness culture is an affront both to divine healing and universal concern. The trickle down we keep expecting from the West, the spillover of compassionate conservativism will come after our wealth is preserved from terror. Freedom for us seems to mean impoverishment and hell for hundreds of thousands of others.

Sickness and death seem to indicate a threat to the Church's work. Jesus went about healing all manner of sickness. He raised Lazerus from the dead. But then Jesus was crucified. He was beaten and mocked. The Powers that be made a show of him to display their power. When Jesus rose from the dead his victory over death was complete. His victory over the Powers was complete. But he lived it all. He lived the suffering, the temptation, the fear, and bore our shame and guilt. And he promised all of these things to us. "No student is better than his teacher." Take up your cross and follow me.

So if following Jesus is a promise of both joy and suffering, how does intercession and prayer help? If by that I mean that prayer makes us feel better, it is not a help. The consolation or ease we feel in praying the prayer comes and goes. The feeling itself is not the reason for prayer. We pray because we are told to. Because, as branches of the Vine, as members of the Body of Christ, prayer is the activity that sustains us. Not only does it sustain us, it is part of God's work in the world. Prayer is not meant to narrow our gaze but to broaden it.

I'm really no expert on prayer. If you want something substantial Irecommend Karl Barth's book on Prayer or Dietrich Bonhoeffer's Prayerbook of the Bible. More importantly are the Scriptures themselves as a model for prayer.

So what sicknesses and what deaths are important to God? All of them! The nightly news can make us feel completely detached from life as it is. We know more about floods and war and the economy than we do our own neighbors. But what do we really know about any of these? I have often prayed with a hand on someone's head: "Dear Lord you know this persons far better than I." And truthfully we never really know. While we want to pray intelligently, the fact is, prayer is resignation even as it is action. Surrender to the will of God. Surrender to His goodness. He commands us, Ask, Seek, Knock. Believe. And yet all of these are active resignations. In prayer I am saying "Dear God I am not You. I do not presume to know. I believe in Your goodness for this person. I ask from You."

I have said before and I will say it again with conviction that God's will is for Christians to take seriously the doctrine of the imago dei. That is the belief that every human being equally possesses the image of God. In Jesus final instructions to his disciples he said "Preach the gospel to all creation and make disciples." I can't help but believe that involves a deep abiding belief in the goodness of God and His desire that we preserve humanity and the earth. Sickness and death appear to be assaults on humanity and creation, but because of Christ's work they are taken up into God's trevail and activity. Instead of mortality and annhialation they point to God's New heaven and Earth. That takes a lot of faith and acceptance. But I want to be a part of that.

Given all these glorious affirmations, let me get painfully personal and come to the reason for both of these audio blogs. The truth is, I can't bear to see up on a blog in digital print what I'm about to say. My dear mother who gave me birth is facing a life threatening illness. Brain cancer. I don't know how to deal with that. I read from Ecclesiasticus this morning. Not a book I normally read. Chapter 2 verse 4-6. It reads:

"Accept whatever is brought upon you, and in changes that humble you be patient. For gold is tested in the fire, and acceptable men in the furnace of humiliation. Trust in him, and he will help you; make your ways straight, and hope in him."

That is my word for today. There are no easy answers when faced with the suffering and possible end of my mother's life. I face this not alone but with the rest of my family. I know that my father's pain in all this is much more severe. It is one thing to endure pain myself, it is quite another to accept it for my mother. Here are some helpful suggestions I've been receiving:

1. Remember that this is not about me, but about my mother. I accept the feelings of guilt, fear, pain and then I surrender it.

2. I want to be present for my mother in the miracle of life that I have with her today. Regular phone calls to connect are essential. When I am with her I will try to make the most of every encounter and share in a new way all that we have.

3. The future is in the future. Each day I'll let my fear of it go and reach out for the strength from God to face today.

4. I am not alone. What I feel I can see in the eyes of those I love. Their strength, their need, their hope, their celebration, is a gift to me. Sorrow is also a gift we share. My feelings alone are not more important than theirs. Our shared life gives me strength for when I'm alone. (Which with a wife and three young kids is not often!)

5. Christ is the center always. He is between me and all persons. Between me and each day. Between me and suffering. Between me and death. Jesus Christ is good. In Him, I and we are never alone.

Jesus is joy in suffering and death.

Part 2 "If we never meet again. . . ."

Here's the second part of my audio blog. This time it gets more personal.
Be prepared to turn the audio down. I really sort of yelled into the mic at this point.

speaking of death #2 - Part 2 "If we never meet again. . . ."

It gets personal. How do I face suffering in my family?



Link to download.

Tags: suffering, death, healing, Christ

Audio blog/podcast "If we never meet again. . . ."

If We Never Meet Again. . . .

reflections, and memories of losing friends to death




Download as an .mp3 or link to as podcast

Tags: death, life, acceptance, faith

JPUSA movies

If you're interested in some videos of JPUSA life check this out from my friend Nathan Cameron:

Over the past few years, many people have expressed to me how they would like to be able to see and share some of our JPUSA movies with friends and family. Now due to video sharing website such as Google Video, YouTube, and MySpace this is now easier than ever. For starters you can view a few movies made by various members(and former members) at the DM MySpace  page or click on these links.

Resurrection: This is a film that Mike Troxel made a few years ago for the Fest 4 Us

Our House: This is a film by Debbie Baumgartner.

Darrel at JPUSA: This is a film that Darrel and I made about what he does here at JPUSA.

So here are some tools you can use to show people a little bit more about who and what we are. Also If you feel inspired to video your take on community please do so. Everybody has a unique experience and you are the best person to convey that to others. 

Nathan Cameron

Lux in ferebris lucet, et fenebra eam non comprehenderunt. -J1:5-

PS: You can also look at some of the fun Fest 4 Us Movies of the past

here

How?

Somebody explain to me how the President can be given the kind of authorization he just signed into law in the Military Commissions Act of 2006? I don't really want a long legal explanation beyond a simple description of what entitles this kind of new power. Permit me to think out loud. According to the Bill:

1. 9/11
2. President given power to declare war and govern military tribunals as commander in chief of armed forces.
3. "The Supreme Court in Hamdan v. Rumsfeld, 126 S. Ct. 2749 (2006), held that the military commissions established by the Department of Defense under the President’s Military Order of November 13, 2001, were not consistent with certain aspects of United States domestic law.
The Congress may by law, and does by enactment of this statute, eliminate any deficiency of statutory authority to facilitate bringing terrorists with whom the United States is engaged in armed conflict to justice for violations of the law of war and other offenses triable by military commissions."

So let me get this straight. We are attacked, congress gives the President power, and now the President's power is total when it relates to Terrorism. Once again, trust the President. He only has our best interests in mind. How are we sure? Because he's an American. Americans always do what is right. If desperate times call for desperate measures, how desperate can the measures get before the clear-thinking authorities are wrong?

Tags: Military Commissions Act of 2006, President George W. Bush, questions

On second thought. . . .

I said I was having fun at Jim West's site. But then I read his next post on the same day on the Alms Statute of 1520:

Mutatis mutandis, if the Zurich legislation were active today, people who were poor because they were lazy, alcoholics, drug abusers, and the like would be left in their condition because it was self elected. On the other hand, if someone lost their house or job because of medical problems, disasters, etc., such would be permitted the reception of aid.

In the words of a famous song, “oh for the good old days…”

This is cold and heartless at best. In sweeping generalizations, it sounds like is electing himself God and judging very unrighteously, thereby excusing himself from action in behalf of the poor. I'm not having fun anymore. Years ago I wrote an article for the New Life Zoa Free Paper in which I suggested that churches were defacto accusing many people of having commited the sin against the Holy Spirit simply by virtue of their being 'societal losers' ("lazy, alcoholics, drug abusers, and the like"). This is why Bill W. of AA had to stop meeting with the Oxford Group and instead form AA. Forget that Jesus ever said "The son of man came to seek and save that which was lost." Clearly (to some folks' way of thinking) he meant lost souls with a disposition toward being the elect. I'll never stop believing that Jesus is for losers, and in God's ability to change the people we'd least expect. Maybe even self-righteous church folk who don't need a suffering Servant!

([11/1/06] I did some editing to this post. I like Jim and keep frequenting his blog. I agree with Richard that this was (hopefully) tongue in cheek.)

Tags: homelessness, Jesus Christ, poverty, addiction, AA, Bill W.